Thursday, March 24, 2011

Why, why, why?

Ok I have a bone to pick.  I'm not one to normally pick on something like this because I am not a jealous or obsessive person by any means and I frown upon those who are.  My other half is a musician who is in bars on a weekly basis, and I've seen girls try to pick up the guys in the band, mine included, right in front of me I might add and I just laugh.  To be with a guy in this industry, you have to be a very trusting person in that he wouldn't reciprocate any advances.  Most women would be surprised at how "the band" views women who come on to them- 80% of them have no interest in women who present themselves as whores or easy (not meant to be offensive to anyone, just what I've been told) and the band is there for one thing and that's to play music.  Now, there is a small percentage of musicians who just wanna get laid, but that percentage is not as high as one might think.

I am always that person that talks down the jealous crazy girl (the girlfriend of a member in my spouse's band is one of these people) and trying to show her how she's over-reacting with no good reason.  My male friends often ask "Why do women (insert ridiculous behaviour here)" and I can't answer because I'm not like that and I just don't get it.  I believe everyone has a past which makes you who you are, and you cannot ever be jealous of what someone did with an ex.  In my eyes, it is not for you to say, because it was before you came along and an argument with this defense is not a good one or one that can or should be won.  However, THIS I do not understand:

Why do some men feel it necessary to keep pictures of exes around?  And I don't mean a nice pic of you two in the park, or at a family event.  I mean photographs of the provocative or sexual type.  It especially hits a nerve when his current girlfriend knows about this person or people, knew he was all hot for the chick back then and probably still is, and most likely needed a drool bucket every time he looked/looks at her.  When a guy sees a hot actress or model on TV, this is not a problem to me.  It is human nature to be attracted to beautiful people and these people are not "real" in a sense.  There is no reasonable threat that your man/woman is running off with these people having a mad affair- they're fantasies and that's ok.  But when that person is real, you've met them or know of them, I think it's a totally different ball game.  

And what about the guy that just likes to have photo documentation of his conquests, casual or serious?  Sure, taking pics in the throws of passion, or whatever kinky thing you happened to be into at the time is fun but why keep a photo album of them?  I actually kind of get it for a guy in his 20's who is boasting to his buddies about the hot chick he banged last night.  But when you're in a long term committed relationship, or married there's no need to keep them anymore as far as I am concerned.  Just a word of advice for those of you that are into this sort of thing- hide them and hide them well if you're going to keep them.  Everyone KNOWS that everyone else has a past, but it's a totally different thing to SEE the photo documentation for yourself.  Once that photo is seen, the eyes that saw it will have it forever etched in their brain and nothing can take it back.  This is not a good thing boys and girls.  

I don't even know the people in this pic and I find it sick and wrong...;)   Thoughts anyone?



  1. Regarding the ex's - I just don't want to hear about it. The don't ask don't tell policy of ex's is where I stand. Seems to have worked out for me and the wife.

  2. So not impressed right now. Seriously, hide them, hide them well.

    WHY does he feel the need to be looking at them? Is he trying to make you feel inadequate?
    I see a fight and him sleeping on the couch very soon. How would he feel should you be the ones reminising over old pictures of an ex you're still in touch with? Jealous or not, this would piss anyone off.

    Your points of knowing the person in the picture and a celebrity and them running off togethter are very different indeed.

    TRM is right. Dont tell, don't ask.

    But in this case he doesn't seem to care if you know or not. Is he that dense to think it wouldn't bother you?

    PS - Please tell me that pictures isn't one of his actual pics he's keeping. (yes faces changed)

    I'll call you tonight.. I'm livid for you.

  3. No, no don't be livid! You assumed it was me. It's not me...or rather him. You know what I mean. And that is a random picture I found! This is about someone I know and it just pissed me off. But who wouldn't be bothered by that? Even me who is pretty lenient would be super pissed. Breathe hun- all's good! :)

  4. Breathing..... ok, I'm over it.
    I was almost ready to start yelling at my computer. lol

    All calm now.
    But still pissed that men feel the need to do stuff like that.

  5. HAHA! You wouldn't look crazy AT ALL! lol

    Yeah, men get all mad because you talked about them with your girlfriends, but they can have naked pictures of their exes/conquests. WTF?

  6. Alright Just Saying, I understand why you steered me here after the stupidmantivity I've experienced today.

    To Ms. Singleton- you ask why? Stupid.

    I seriously doubt there are very many women keeping any sexy pics around but for men, it's sort of like bragging rights for them.

    They do things that make no sense. For instance, a guy could have a beautiful woman, flawless body and all and might still feel the need to keep the photos of him and the kinky ex who polished his pole like a pro.

    It's the ability to reminisce, I guess.

    And I'd be willing to bet if your friend brings it up he will say "it isn't real, they're just photos"

  7. Welcome MyDatinghangovers!

    Thanks for your comments. Yes exactly. Stupid. He basically has said that it was before her time and he's with her now, so it shouldn't be an issue. He sees no reason why she should feel threatened by the pics, or why they would make her feel any less important to him. Whatever. I'm not a jealous person but this doesn't sit right with me.

  8. @The Restaurant Manager

    This is a good policy, and you gotta do what works. However, a friend of a friend has taken this one step too far and she doesn't even know if her husband dated anyone before her. They know know pretty much nothing about each other pre their relationship. They are married and needless to say it is not going well. How can you know absolutely nothing about your spouse's past? That's crazy. Gotta have SOME happy medium. :)